by James

Hello. Yes. Jim Clot, head of head of robotics? Excellent.

Hello, it’s Julia here, your CEO. Yes, that one. I’m good thank you, yes, yes.

Now, first things first. Just to remind you. I’m Julia, your female CEO. Female, as in woman. Female, as in slightly disturbed by your department’s drive to produce a range of female only sex-bots.

Yes, that one.

Yes, I understand you’ve taken my feedback on board, and I’m looking at your response right now. But tell me, when you went ahead and designed a range of male sex-bots, did you – by any chance – talk to any women?

I see. And these women weren’t bitter former lovers, or they had some kind of python fetish? I see. Excuse me one moment.

Gary, set me up a meeting with the officer in charge of local mental health. Thank you.

Back to the matter in hand. Yes, I’m looking at it, right now. Yes, impressive is a word I would pick, but also horrifying, and horrified – that’s me, by the way. Yes, yes, I understand your point, but here’s the thing. Yes, I know I’m not an expert in robotics, but I think perhaps you’ve gone slightly overboard when your demo model turns around quickly and sweeps an entire cabinet free of glassware.

Yes, yes, we’ve all noticed the “girth”. For this you consulted? I see, yes, Cosmopolitan magazine.

Sorry, what was that? Bubble bath? Ballet? Now you’re just reading from the feature “ten top tips for a perfect date night” on page fifty-seven.

Back to the matter in hand. Let’s see. How can I put this? When a Daddy really loves a Mummy they take their clothes off and he puts his…insider her…yes, that’s right. I can’t decide what would happen if this thing ever got near a real woman, he’d either push her off the bed or inflict some hideous internal injuries.

Yes, yes, the muscles are certainly impressive. Sorry, what’s that? Give him a can of diet coke? Why would I? Fine.

Gary. A can of diet coke for our “guest”.

Yes, yes, he’s opening it now, and – oh, I see. Yes. Very impressive. He’s now drinking diet coke and cleaning windows at the same time. No, the female members of my office have not been driven into a state of sexual agitation. No! I will not play Etta James.

And no…hang on. Yes, now I understand why you felt the need to equip him with an appendage that prehensile. Really, the same technology found in retractable self-coiling hosepipes?

Might I add the word disturbing to our list?

Gary, my next call, please. Thank you.

Good morning. Hello. Is that the head of animatronics? Excellent.

It’s Julia here, your CEO. Now just to remind you, I’m Julia, your David Attenborough loving CEO, as in, the CEO who strives for accuracy in products dealing with the natural world.

I have some concerns, about your new product. Yes, I understand that resources are stretched, and I applaud your ingenuity. But really, I don’t think we can market a lifesize realistic elephant with something called the NubTrunk™.