The beatification of Gillie

by Dan

Dave never liked Gillie. When she first moved in she left him to bring her stuff in, told him he was wonderful then forgot his name. She made everything about her, so that when Dave used up the last of his own Nutella after Gillie had consumed the whole rest of the jar it became a sign of his selfishness and a cause for her to bang pans loudly round the kitchen.

But she was Milo’s girlfriend and Milo was wild about her so Dave just waited for him to come to his senses as had happened before.

The other housemates, Hayley, a nurse, and Dave’s girlfriend Anna were too busy to care about the attention seeking drama student.

One morning, when the others were out, she came into the kitchen naked and asked Dave to make love to her which he politely declined for reasons outlined above. She flew off the handle and stomped back to her bedroom where she made moaning sounds until Dave was forced to go and ask what was wrong.

“I’ve got a serious illness! Not that you’d care.” She shouted. Dave knew she’d have to go and was working up to handling Milo at the house meeting.

Until the lockdown changed everything.

Of course Gillie was the first to show “symptoms”, meaning the rest of the household had to isolate too. For an ill person she had lots of energy, except during the household deep clean. Within a week everyone was waiting on her hand and foot. Including Hayley who’d broken her arm lifting a 30 stone man onto a hospital bed.

Then things got weird. Gillie started having “visions” in her dreams and the other members of the household stopped speaking to Dave.

Dave could not believe they fell for it.

When he expressed doubt, Anna called him an “infidel” and moved out of his room.

Gillie herself took up residence in the living room where the only telly and games consul was located. From here she dispensed “Visions of the Sleeping Angel” to the rest of the rapt housemates, whilst Dave sulked in the kitchen alone.

He overheard snippets. Every morning The Sleeping Angel (Gillie) revealed her “unbelievable sight” which often involved a burning bush and some “commandments” from the Goddess of the Virus (to all intents also, Gillie).

These included 1) that the pillows from all rooms must be brought to prop The Angel up whilst she watched Sex Education. 2) That all alcohol and Jam tarts be placed under her control. 8 further commandments were written on the kitchen whiteboard. Dave’s own “Gillie -buy more Nutella” was wiped out completely.

When the commandment came to “cast the Infidel into the wilderness” Dave’s remonstrations that he owned the house fell upon deaf ears as the other members of the household dragged him downstairs in his pyjamas.

But as they passed the living room they heard the news announcement from the telly that the Lockdown was finally over. As if woken from a dream the housemates put Dave down and turned to observe “The Sleeping Angel”. To their surprise, instead of a “golden vision of salvation” they witnessed a pretty, slightly overweight, very sheepish looking girl with jam tart crumbs around her mouth. After that things began, slowly, to return to normal.