A star is born

by James

Without any doubt at all Reggie knew that one day he would be a star. And what does every star need for talk shows? Tales of the shitty jobs you had to fight through on your way to the top so that the little people knew you weren’t some kind of hoity-toity dick. Not that he had any intention of taking this bloody job of course. Back half of a sodding pantomime tiger? Okay, so it was a hundred quid for a one-off show for some rich toff who fancied himself a theatre director, but if word got out that Reggie was stooping as low provincial parts?

These people were desperate though, because they rolled with the old trick of cute as a button casting agent whose hoody was zipped down low enough to show off the skimpy vest top she had on underneath. Reggie smiled along, let her go through all the spiel, let her try all her little tricks of persuasion – the wide eyes, the tiny little hand of concern placed on his manly bicep – but he was determined not to waver.

Go ahead Cindy, you drop your pencil for the third time and take an age to bend over and pick it up, it was fine by Reggie. You want to wiggle your cute bum inside tight jeans, you go nuts – but Reggie was not a man to be played with such transparent tricks.

Cindy took him to the costume department and got one of the slack jawed stage hands to fetch out the costume. Reggie decided that now was the moment to be firm and tell her he was not going to take the gig.

Cindy’s face wrinkled with disappointment. ‘Oh! No. Why? It’s not the partial nudity, is it?’

‘The partial…? The what?’

Cindy smiled winsomely. ‘Oh, it’s this silly costume. It’s so hot, and the tiger will be on stage for hours, one simply has to go semi-buff. In my case, for example, I’m thinking my blue bikini. It’s a string bikini though. How does that work for you?’

Reggie managed a nod.

Two days later and Reggie was clad in a pair of slightly tool small brand new designer underpants beneath tiger fur. He was nervous about the performance because Cindy had always been too busy and Reggie had been forced to lump around the front half of the bloody tiger during rehearsals. It would be fine though, because stars like him, they always found a way. The door to the dressing room burst open and Cindy bounded in, panting a little in breathless excitement.

She beckoned to someone in the corridor. ‘Come along in here with the front half.’ A pair of stage hands dragged the front half of the tiger into the dressing room. Cindy blew Reggie a kiss. ‘Two ticks, and I’ll be right back.’

Reggie turned to watch her bound out of the room. He took a deep breath and willed all parts of him to behave themselves.

‘Right, showtime,’ one of the stagehands said. He stuck out his hand for Reggie to shake, and then peeled off his stained tee shirt to expose his hairy belly. To Reggie he said, ‘Right, laddie. You’re fine with the nudity thing, right?’