Captain Claudia Frote

by Lewis

“Let’s review how we got here.” Claud said quietly, his hand paused over the button.

“Look it was just a ball for Christ's sake. Is it really worth killing for?”. Drake's long face peered through the window. His wet nose pressed against the see through hatch. “Please.You don't have to do this.”

“One rule I have on this ship. I don't enforce hours. I don't care if you fight or rut anything that we meet. You can roll around, whine and wag your little tails off. But no god damn balls. You're right I don't have to. But I do want to.”

A single claw extended and tapped the button. There was a sound much like a sudden intake of breath, but reversed.

Claud turned to see a sea of puppy dog eyes trained on her.

“That shit doesn't work on me. Get back to work.” and if I catch any of you bringing a ball on to this ship.” She finished the threat with a state. Tails between legs they headed back to their stations. Captain Drake, cleaned her whiskers and curled into her chair.

“Cap, we um have a bit of a situation?.” A cautious rabbit queried on the comms. Claud’s claws plunged into her coffee cup. What was left of the liquid slowly drained.

“What now?”

“Its Mags. Um well. She got into the coins again.”

The engine power system was never a good place for a magpie to work. Too many distractions and in particular the engine power nodules were far too round and shiny. But if she kept her self under control Mags was one of the best.

“Someone get the god damn net.”

“Captain, power levels are dropping.”


The engine room was chaos. Sure the engine monkeys were good when organized, some of the best around, but they seemed to go bananas in an emergency.

“Wheres Mags?” Claud sniped at a swinging macaque.

“Boss she's stuck in the tube again. Got about 10 of the core nodules up there. Hoarding.”

“i knew it . One For bloody sorrow! I said let's get two. For Christ's sake.”

“You. Monkey. Get the net and get that god damn bird out of there.”

The ball rule had come in after the mining disaster on Garf1. Perhaps now was a good time for solo magpie restrictions she thought as she headed to the storage deck.


“There's just not enough power Captain.”

“No. Don't say it.”

“I'm sorry's turned.”

A milk freighter had seemed like the dream commission at the time. Easy money, the cow farms weren’t worth enough for Pirates, but in demand enough for steady work. People needed to eat after all.

But now here she was. Things had most definitely gone sour and now she was was stuck with a literal pack of halfwit mongrels and 10million gallons of wanna-be cheese.

Still it did give her the chance to space a few woofers on the way. So at least that was something. And just wait until she got her claws on that bloody Magpie. She would show her sorrow. Delicious, slow, tasty, sorrow.