Jeremy’s polyamory would have been easier to handle if it hadn’t been for the fact that his bedroom door was broken, concealing nothing from the rest of the household.
Jessica, we knew, liked it rough. She was very vocal and had an array of obscene nicknames for Jeremy which he didn’t seem to mind. Kathy cried afterwards. A lot. Ruth only stayed once. She had given him something that caused a rash and a slow burning sensation on his down there and we didn’t see her again.
Each girl was completely different from the next. Jessica had brown hair and freckles, Kathy was blonde and plump. Nicky was a redhead and Susannah had shaved her head and eyebrows along with the rest of her bodily hair. She had tattoos in surprising places.
We had seen (and heard) a variety of wildly differing women disappearing behind Jeremy’s beaded curtain, emerging lovestruck and giggling and besotted.
The only thing these girls had in common was the fact that they had no idea about one another whatsoever.
“But I thought polyamory meant that everyone involved was also polyamorous.” I said to Stephanie, our other housemate. She nodded.
“Yeah, Jeremy’s a pig. He says he’s getting experience so he can write about it in his book.”
Stephanie had lived with Jeremy for several years. She seemed to block him out
“He’s writing a book?”
“Oh yes. He’s been working on it for as long as I’ve known him. He says it’s his life’s work.”
Stephanie rolled her eyes.
Book or no book, I had already sat through too many moony coffees with the Jessicas and Nickys and Ruths to think that what he was doing was ok. They were daft about him and, despite myself, I felt sorry for them.
And so, when Jeremy left his phone unlocked on the kitchen unit it was too good an opportunity to miss. I drafted the message and hit send before I could talk myself out of it. There, it was done. Now all I could do was wait.
Nicky arrived first and went straight up to Jeremy’s room. He wasn’t actually due back for another half an hour, but I was glad it was Nicky. She liked to sprawl naked on the bed and wait for him in exotic poses. When I showed Jessica in, the screams started.
But by the time the others showed up the screaming was mostly over and the girls’ rage was beginning to direct itself towards their shared enemy, the bead-wearing, long-haired, oh-so-sensitive Jeremy, rather than each other.
Jeremy would come home to face a nest of irate women in his seedy boudoir. I was practically rubbing my hands with anticipation
At the sound of running water and the clatter of feet on tiles, I peered out of my own room to see the women grioped together, giggling. One, I couldnt quite see which, was carrying Jeremy’s hard drive into the bathroom. The hard drive with his life’s writing on. Had he been as careless with his computer as with his phone?!
And above the unmistakable hissing and fizzing of electrical equipment dunked in water I heard Jeremy’s key turn in the lock.