sigh, another kick in the teeth

by Lewis

The screen flickers, hisses, buzzes, flickers once brightly and then finally closes its eyes for ever. You should probably contact ITC. Except to do that you have to raise a ticket. On the computer. With the broken screen. Instead you wander over to the coffee machine and scramble through your pockets for any loose change. Hot water 5p. Tea and Coffee 30p. You have 27p of course. Sighing you wander back to your desk. This is it now. This is everything. All day. Every day. Just slowly unravelling like your favourite cotton jumper caught on a loose nail of life.

You try and remember the alleged wild youthful days everyone had, as you add another layer to the robot drawing your scribbling on your 3pm meeting agenda. But nothing comes up, you can’t remember when those days happened, if they even did. Everyone said their twenties were wild. But when you think about it, when you had actual legitimate fun all you can picture are flashes of scenes from television. You remember being hungover of course. So you know you defiantly drank a lot. Other than that it’s like trying to remember a concert you didn’t go to by someone else describing it. It all sounds great but your not convinced it happened.

You remember starting here, how much you wanted to be different, a debonoir Lovejoy character; footloose wangling deals left right and centre, doing things your own way. Now look at yourself stuck self narrating your own dishevelled mundane life. Wishing you’d bought the next size up trousers. Wondering if you should need the toilet this often. Hoping someone else can come along and change your life for you, because you’ve forgotten how.

You check your phone for the 12th time. She hasn’t messaged back. Of course. What would you do if she actually did? Probably keel over with heart failure, it’s probably about time for your first heart attack. If you didn’t die it might at least pay off the mortgage.

Besides she was top of everyone’s ‘partner list’, understandably. She was intelligent, funny, hardworking, and stunning but not over the top; subtle, the dream partner. You might have had a chance, if this was three years ago, full of energy and vision for the company now you are just another unsavoury stranger to her. You staple a post-it note to the mouse mat. Just because.

Then your phone flashes. You’ve turned off notifications on your Clash of Clans game, and your fantasy football app. No one else ever texts.

You stand up. Look away towards the lifts to the fourth floor where she will be sat, or probably stood demanding something important of someone down the phone. Maybe. Maybe she saw something in you. A glimpse of what you could have been; the elusive potential, that is so sought after and so rarely achieved. You grab another secret biscuit from the draw. Triple chocolate this week.

You reach out and pick up the phone.

Hi, remember it’s your dental appointment on 01/03/19 at 14:45. If you can’t make this, please call us to rearrange. Thanks.

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