Now sisters gather round me

Cos I want to testify

Because I am an honest child

And cannot tell a lie

This moral of my story

As I stand before you all

Is never mess with a handsome man

And a 10 pin bowling ball

Wa-oooo

*

A young girl was abandoned in 1953

She was so sweet and pretty

(Well that’s right she was me!)

They took her to a convent

And wrapped her in a shawl

And warned her of the handsome man

And a 10 pin bowling ball

Wa-oooo

*

But oh this headstrong sinner

Soon showed that she was weak

She found the convent boring

When they wouldn’t let her speak

To bleed the sinning from her

They tied her to a wall

And warned her of the handsome man

And the ten pin bowling ball

Wa-oooo

*

One night she fled the convent

Her sacred godly home

But the local bowling alley

Was as far as she would roam

And there she saw a stranger

Standing proud and tall

And in the hand of this handsome man

Was a ten pin bowling ball

Wa -ooooo

*

He sidled over to her

And said his name was Jed

He’d a sulphurous aroma

And his fiery eyes were red

And she knew in a moment

like bowling pin she’d fall

For the handsome man from out of town

And his ten pin bowling ball

*

Wa-oo

*

(Key change)

*

Wa-oo

*

He gave her lots of flattery

Which he knew she would like

She knew before the night was done

He’d score a double strike

but rushing from the convent

Came sister Mary Paul

An expert on the scriptures and the ten pin bowling ball

*

Wa-ooo

*

“We’ll see now handsome stranger why don’t we have a bowl

The stakes we’ll put upon it are this young girl or my soul

And who goes first and what not

Well you can have the call

And Jesus hand will steady me

On the ten pin bowling ball

*

Another key change

*

Wa-oooo

*

Well jed he soon accepted

And he powdered up his hand

And then he picked the exact spot

Where his ball would land

And everybody in the place watched

In solemn thrall

As the ageing nun fought the wicked man

And the ten pin bowling ball

*

The nun she threw a “turkey” but then she had a miss

And Jed picked up his favourite ball and gave a tender kiss

And sneeringly he taunted in his lazy southern drawl

“Don’t ever challenge a handsome man with a ten pin bowling ball”

The ball it hit the alley travelling fast and straight

And Jed he eyed his winnings but Mary Paul said “wait”

As It swerved into the gutter they watched his last bowl fall

And it spelt defeat for the handsome man with the ten pin bowling ball

*

The ancient nun stood up and she had glory in her eyes

She said son you are the devil and all that I despise

You had no chance of winning cos Jesus blessed the mall

Be out of here thou satan with thy ten pin bowling ball.

*

My stories nearly over

My tale is nearly done

My training is completed and I’ve become a nun

But god he has forgiveness

And he forgives us all

And besides he is a dab hand with a ten pin bowling ball

*

*

Take pity on me sisters as I try to repent

And devote all my spare hours to the work of the convent

But what with all this prayin and the mopping of the hall

I’d have had more fun with a handsome man

And a tin pin bowling ball

*

I’d have had more fun with a handsome man

And a ten pin bowling ball

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Sent from my iPhone