When a small creature considers another even smaller creature, energy is created. This energy is a powerful sense of dominance and agency. The spider believed itself to be a mighty thing, with its swollen sac of legion baby spiders. By its own reckoning it was the harbinger of life and bringer of web death to smaller animals. As William Cocka’snoop observed the spider, however, he was infused with his own strength and might, seeing it only as a tiny thing. Placing his crooked thumb on the spiders engorged body he pressed very lightly, but that was all it took for the spider to pop and many lives to extinguish. William felt the energy in his body as a tingle. He picked up his cup of beer, poured it down his throat and with a manly flourish wiped his chin with his raggedy sleeve.

William Cocka’snoop wore a wooden crown on his straw hair and a red cape made of the remains of a lady’s dress. He had two legs, which is always a bonus, but one of them was withered and so he used a knobbled stick of ash as a crutch. With his tiny frame, ruddy cheeks and blue eyes he was the very essence of a jester, his Kings favourite fool.

William did the Kings bidding at all times of night and day. He danced for him when the King was sad and sang for him when the King was happy. When the King was angry William was pummelled and when bored he was teased and berated.

Wherever the King was, William was not far away. When the King was impotent, which was increasingly often, William fed him liver and oysters and rubbed the royal groin with lard. The King was of the belief that this was effective and brought about a sufficiency of erection to tup his mistress. His mistress was not so sure but valued her neck and moaned as per requisite, whilst William sat at the foot of the bed as still and quiet as a mouse.

William had been involved in just such a session this evening. On returning to his room a small translucent girl had scuttled toward him and whispered a summons in his ear. William was required on the hour at the Queens chambers. Overwhelmed with fear, he partook in the afore mentioned quaffing of ale and arachnid murdering to gird his loins. Two hours later William Cocka’snoop returned to his room, laid down and slept a dreamless sleep.

The next day the King kicked and pinched him, screamed and bawled at him, demanded song after song and dance after dance. William span, jumped, whistled and quipped with an unrelenting twinkle and a “hey nonnyno” that the King could not extinguish, until eventually he sent William away to the kitchen, with orders for him to be fed on swan and quince.

Nine months later the Queen, aged forty and hitherto barren, gave birth to a prince and heir. The tiny baby boy had bright blue eyes – “all babies have blue eyes”, ruddy cheeks – “all babies have ruddy cheeks” and one crooked thumb.