Have you ever felt blood trickling through your toes? That warm soft ooze sinking into the crack between those crooked bent philanges. In other circumstances it could almost be enjoyable. I slip into my blood splattered flip flops. It just doesn’t feel right wearing flip flops at christmas but it’s 34 degrees. It’s another thing about oz that ive come to despise. I step outside through the sliding doors pulling them to behind me to keep out the flies. And the smell.

I walk over and sit on the pools edge dangling my feet in the warm still water. The chlorine stings my hands as I wash the mess off my flip flops and I see how cut and bruised my feet are. I need a plaster but it’s too hot to move, so I lie down and let the pool wash my feet. There is a radio playing from one of the distant neighbours and I can hear Last Christmas droning out. Even the other side of the world, where they have a bbq on Christmas Day for christs sake, last christmas still plays on. It makes me smile. I feel the ache in my arms and waist. Pulled a muscle maybe at some point. I embrace the warm sun and sleep takes me over.

It’s hard to know what time it is when I wake but the sun has gone down and it’s cool now. I just have been exhausted. My body aches and my feet are burning though the bleeding has stopped. Time to login.

The views are though the roof. It’s horrible what people will watch. Horrible and lucrative. My etherium stock makes for very happy viewing. I don’t know where they come from or why they watch but it puts a roof over my head. Well multiple roofs. The sick fucks.

The bath is pretty much all liquid now so I pull the plug and run the taps. Coming back into the front room I see a small stain on the carpet. Fuck. That’s gonna have to go on the fire now. Happy christmas me. A timer goes off on the oven. Dinner is ready. All the trimmings. Why not just cos I’m not in the Uk doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate. The carpet can wait.

I take the tray out and set to carving. The meat is tender and moist and the knife slices through smoothly and satisfying. My lips are wet with anticipation. And then the doorbell goes. I’m not expecting anyone so cautiously I peer through the eye hole. It’s Carol and Chuck the neighbours on the east side. He’s a fencer or something like that and she’s in property. Shit what do they want.

“Howdy neighbour.” Her voice is strained and overly polite.

“We we’re just thinking you must be lonely over here on Christmas Day on your own.” He seemed to be peering through the doorway as he asked.

“Thank you kindly. But I actually have company.”

They looked at the coat and shoes in the hallway and smiled awkwardly.

“But I do appreciate you stopping over.”

“Of course, we…”

“You have a lovely Christmas Day now.”

“Yes, yes thank yo…”

“Sorry I must be going, meat won’t carve itself.”

I shut the door and waited a moment to check they left. Well now. There was me thinking I wouldn’t get any presents this year and out of nowhere two come along at once. I’ll unwrap them tonight I think. I check my watch and I’m a little late. But not too bad, builds anticipation. A quick check that the laptop feed is running. Excelllent. Now finally. Time to eat.