Woke in Wimbledon

by Dan

Uncle Bulgaria, he could remember the days when he wasn’t behind the times. But now that Stockholm, the 16 year old Womble from Sweden had arrived, it was all very different. Already she had railed at the oppression of Madame Cholet and replaced her cooking duties with a Rota (strictly vegan) which all cooks were expected to adhere to. Bulgaria didn’t know one end of a recently discarded spiraliser from another. Her attitude to humans was much more aggressive and she called a meeting to discuss a new approach. Tomsk and Tobermory were too busy to attend, In future she declared it would be “a Wombles role to shame humans by showing them the error of their ways!”

“Sisters!” She shouted “We will cower in the darkness no longer! Be proud to be seen, it is time to go both Underground and Overground! It’s time for Furpower!!!”

In the end with the aid of infatuated younger wombles Wellington, Orinoco and Alderney plus the newly liberated Cholet, Stockholm’s decree had won the day and Bulgaria was outvoted 5-2.

A subsequent vote decided they should all go to central London on the tube and take part in an extinction rebellion demonstration and perhaps visit some cool shops at the same time. When Bulgaria objected, he’d was called a gammon and handed a rake to do the leaves, he was told he should be prepared to work as hard as those he oppressed, and encouraged to be more planet aware in future while he was Wombling up the rubbish. “Do you really think it is good for the environment to dress in tweed clothes imported from Scottish islands? She asked, “And why do you wear two pairs of glasses?” she continued. “Do you think there is a bottomless pit of lenses? Also, their plastic arms will kill the little sea creatures!” “Yeah climate change denier!”! Added Orinoco, pleased to be allowed to show subordination after 100 years of being treated as a baby. “Recite this phrase to yourself old womble” said Stockholm “I am a womble and I must be woke!” With this they Wombled off leaving him slightly flummoxed.

Bulgaria was a good environmentalist, he wanted the world to be greener, he respected the younger generation. Perhaps he did need to change with the times. He admired Stockholm’s passion and knew that in his 350 year life change was not always bad. “I am a womble and I am woke” He chanted to himself mindfully. “I am a womble and I am woke…….zzzz”.

He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there fast asleep when he was woken by Tomsk. “Umm ‘scuse me Uncle Bulgaria,” he said, “We’ve had a message from the young wombles! They seem to have got lost on the underground and never made it to the demo! They ended up in Cockfosters by mistake. The good news is, they are being looked after by some kindly Cockwombles but they need you to go and get them back.” Great Uncle Bulgaria smiled, he was pleased to address his issues as a member of the Wombriarchy, but at the same time, relieved to discover he was still useful for something.