Christmas had been particularly full on and the rounds of social engagements and immersion in the north Walian panto scene had left Fi exhausted, bloated and with a funny yeast infection that just wouldn’t be banished. ‘I need a break’ she thought as she absent-mindedly rummaged through her handbag for keys, paying no attention to the headphone wearing runner she nearly took out with an elbow blow. Pulling out a tangled tissue, she noticed the forgotten email address she had scrawled in mascara at last night’s post performance party. Just the sight of it brought back the taste of the ill thought out choice of peanut butter cupcake cocktail. Yes! This was what she needed - a full on mind body and spirit detox. A silent vegan yoga retreat. Time to get back to nature, space for her inner goddess to be lovingly massaged back to life – she had seen all the celebs doing it.

‘Ding’. The bell marked the start of the day which was breaking through the windows of the dorm room. Five o’clock felt wholesomely early. The glass of tepid tap water for breakfast was nourishing her system, purifying her overdosed organs and releasing the energy of her childhood. Fi reached for her Thai fisherman pants, bought especially for the retreat from an ethnic stall at Camden Market. Her feet were bare as she crossed the hand woven rug in the middle of the room. Pausing for a moment, she mindfully absorbed the way this grounded her and centred her ahead of the morning session. Opening the door of her room, she was greeted with the 5 other silent partners of the organic retreat. Scanning the room, each one smiled at her and nodded their acceptance of each other.

‘Ding’. Each person took their places at the front of their personal yoga mats. As one, they reached their hands up to the sky and straight down to the floor with a loud exhale. The impurities of their lives being expelled in one simple movement. Today was day 3. Meditation day where they were to reflect on their journey so far, to sit with their thoughts and feelings and to envisage their powerful selves in the future. Powerful and rich in emotion, gratitude, empathy and love. Fi couldn’t wait!

She floated serenely to the floor and took up a crossed legged pose, facing into the centre of the room. Arms resting on her legs, she formed circles with each hand using her fore fingers and thumbs. Eyes closed, she looked like a professional yogi – as if she should be on a mountain top in India. Enlightenment couldn’t be far off now, just look at her nail this! It was all going to be plain sailing from here. Life would be so pure and exciting and healthy and …. Damn she would kill for a large glass of pinot grigio and favourite take away in front of Strictly.