It was a dazzling turn that left the defender gaping. They had drawn them in the whole game and then sprung the trap, a beautiful through ball that released Steve for the counter attack. Now he just had the keeper to beat.

“I’m in” thought Steve. A sinkhole opened up and instantly consumed the on-rushing keeper swallowing him whole, just as Steve hammered it into the top right corner. The ball dropped knocking into the keepers bottle which spilt and rolled dropping into the fresh abyss after its owner.

“Hey no fair, that’s not allowed” Andy cried. “Wasn’t even sub’d on. Plus that sinkhole was offside.”

“How the hell can he be offside he doesn’t even have legs” Steve fired back.

“Yeah but still. Gotta be a foul of some sort.” Andy retorted.

The sinkhole burped a noxious cloud that sent the rest of the team scurrying backwards.

“So sorry” it said in a deep smooth voice.

“Bloody dirt mouth.” Andy muttered

“No need for that sir. Just doing my job.”

“Sure. What’d he even do?”

“No idea what you mean. However he does have an unpaid library fine. Purely coincidentally of course.” The voice continued with a slight hesitation.

“A library fine? Andy explored. “A library fine? What. They’re…for a 50p fine?!” Andy’s face had turned the colour of a furious northerner.

“Uhhh” Steve said. “Are you sure that’s it?”

“I am quite sure thank you. And I’ll appreciate it if you lot don’t take that tone with me. I am just doing my job.”

“Sure.” Steve replied nervously. “But c’mon a library fine?”

“Look I’m just a naturally occurring phenomenon of course so what do I know. However, as a side note the Department of Future Correction has run the scenarios. This library fine, whist currently only at £3.50 if left unchecked, would in 7 years time due to a freak spike in inflation result in a £12,000 defecit on the library’s already fraught budget, causing it to close. Which, in turn will leave a young boy James Hottinger unable to access the weekly Lego club. This sends him down a spiral of missed education and crime eventually leading to brutal the murder of Jeffrey Anderson an off duty enforcement officer.” The sinkhole had started confidently but lost some conviction by the end. “Of course my presence here is entirely coincidental and this is of course a freak of nature accident. I’m sure you’ll all agree.” He added quickly.

There was a wave of stunned silence from both teams.

“But, but did you see that through ball?” Sam said, “It was perfect.”

“You what?” Steve said slowly. The colour draining from his face, going as white as cherry blossom.

“The calculations have been…calculated.” The sinkhole replied with a hint of apology in his eternal and gravelly voice.

Andy’s colour was hard to describe and his whole body seemed to vibrate intensely.

“This government. I can’t. I just can’t. This is it. I mean using a “natural phenomenon” as a liberal loophole to justify state sanction led bloody executions.” Andy’s waving arms had taken on the air of a mad scientist at this point.

“How dare you. Such accusations” the sinkhole said aghast. “I have nothing to do with the government.”

“You literally just said ‘you were just doing your job!”

“Nope. Didn’t say that.”

“You bloody did.”

“No…erm. Did I? Are you sure. I mean…”

The sinkhole began to vibrate and expand.

“Hey, cut that out.” Steve muttered backing away.

“I’m not doing anything.” The sinkhole said glibly whilst clearly eating up more ground.

Sirens sounded overhead and spotlights flooded the area.

“Cmon, run for it lads.” Steve cried turning and pelting down the pitch.

“Don’t forget it’s an extra pound each cos we’re one man down now.” Sam cried as they all ran for cover.